you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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