The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
