He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have post one night stand depression
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