I am in a vortex of obligation.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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