how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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