Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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