It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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