Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
