i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
