also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
