my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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