So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
