Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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