look no pants
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
