If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
