I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize