Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My bed smells like the plague
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
