Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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