This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
