Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
