Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
