Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
