I am puke
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
