im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
