It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
