I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
