Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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