i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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