I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
