You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
last night I used snow as a chaser
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize