so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
