perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
