so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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