I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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