I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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