she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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