Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
