The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
