Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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