she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
