So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
