If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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