we're blogging at a bar
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
