I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
