We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize