I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
