Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
