you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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