my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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