do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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