woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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