cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize