you turned your livingroom into a bong?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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