bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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