you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
