3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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