I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize