I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
