dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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