Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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