Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
