what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i now understand why vodka
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
