she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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