If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
