In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
