Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You are a genius and a whore.
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